Irkutsk Ice Truckers

At Tuesday night's dorm prayer in St. Leo's prefect King included an "Alleluia" in the midst of the prayers. Although he was immediately corrected by other dorm members, there is great cause for suspicion, however, that the acclaimed "Liturgy Hobbyist" is up to something. "What did he now and when did he know it?' asks Everett Polinski of St. Leo's. "Was this but a slip of the lip as he claims, or intentional?" The question we're all asking Confused liturgists suspect something is up. Has WCC been infiltrated by modernism? What could have made a seasoned and famous "Liturgy Hobbyist" make such a blatant statement against tradition. Even our hard core rockers care about this violation and want answers, proving that this is an issue that crosses "Traditional/Ordinary" lines as IIT staff have been at the forefront of investigating this situation. "We like metal and we know that it's not always ...

The car driven by the suspects and seen widely around Lander over the past weeks Two people a WCC sophomore claims to be connected to the recent rash of car and bicycle thefts around Lander were seen by him to be entering and driving away in a white Toyota Tacoma truck. Our unidentified informant wishes to remain anonymous, but many in the community are hopeful that his revelation of the driving habits of these suspects will lead to a quick resolution of the thefts that have plagued Lander for months. Road captain Marcus Gardner "All we have to do," says Joseph K. Brennan of NOLS, "is find a Toyota Tacoma truck and arrest it. If we ban the car that the thieves drive in, then there will be no more thefts." WCC students take a more nuanced view, not jumping to the philosophical conclusion that the car is "the cause" of the thefts, but are also hopeful of soon getting their bikes back. Particularly excited are members of the Hotel biker gang,...

WCC Students received a notice several weeks ago about new salad dressing options, a positive for the few compulsive detractors of "Frat". As the notice reads, new options will be made available upon popular suggestion. Hello Everyone, We currently have three options for salad dressing in the salad bar; I would like to add more options. We will be making home made salad dressing, but I would like to make the kind that is most popular among you all. Please email me with what kinds of salad dressing you would like to have. The most popular kind(s) will be added to the salad bar. Thanks, Bruce Sophia Donaldson  In particular, Freshmen Max Terlisner is very excited about the possibility of ghost-pepper dressing. Sophia Donaldson, a freshmen from Alabama heartily agrees saying, "ghost-pepper would go great with the character of our school given all the rumors of the haunted hotel" and the "Hot sauce" and "Spicy" comments ...

As is obvious from looking we at IIT are testing out a new website. Comment on what you think. Also please note that nearly all of our staff will be engaged in various epic adventures for the next week making updates unlikely until around April 1st (not a joke).  Thank you all for your loyal readership and we hope to return stronger than ever, better than metal, and the best metalhead versions of ourselves. And just to put it out there: “The symposiarchon, in charge of the games they had before beer pong” - Washut on the Symposium “Is that what Christendom is like?” - Joe Nemec “Come on, don’t be a wimp. Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!” - W And anyone remember this? A great week from all the IIT team and we hope you like our new website!

"Who ordered the fry egg?" - JohnJohn No matter who actually did, you can get a free "fry egg" courtesy of IIT and become a hero of St. John's dorm. Its simple, just find the "Chinese Dragon" music balls that were stolen over two weeks ago and restore the cosmic order of WCC. Anger and rage threatens to launch a full-scale war amid the WCC dorms, but you, only you, can prevent dorm raids. Just contact us at everett.polinski@irkutskicetruckers.com  with any information leading to the safe return of the dorm cult objects or justice served to the thieves. IIT will even throw in legal clemency for those involved if the thieves themselves return them. Do you really want a St. John's armed posse raging around in their quest for justice any longer? Satisfy their thirst for what is truly just, return the dragons, and get a nice new fry egg in exchange!

March 20, 2019-Lander, Wyoming. It was a quiet evening in the City of Lander. The evenings had warmed significantly and the promise of spring hovered on the allegorical horizon. However, for one student the local Catholic college, there was no time to take it easy and enjoy the weather; he had work to do. Late in the evening, he entered the education building on the Holy Rosary campus, shuddering as he passed by the dark, seemingly lifeless classrooms, whose dark windows gaped at him like eyeless sockets. Finally, he entered a room, activating the lights, which turned on with a dim, flickering glow. An otherworldly chill passed through the young man, even though it there was ample warmth in the room.  He had just deployed his laptop computer and begun typing when he heard it: a high-pitched giggle, as of a young woman with her beau. His heart shrank within his chest. He'd heard the legends, but surely they weren't true. They couldn't be. There were no amorous spiri...

We're pleased to announce that our favorite charity here at WCC, the Cult of Tree of Life, has just launched its new website. See it here or simply go to Andrew.IrkutskIceTruckers.com Learn more about the cult's history and beliefs, contact Andrew himself, or fill out an application to join, all right on their new website. IIT is a proud supporter of the Cult of the Tree of Life and its associated offerings in Janelle's Angel from Canada cult for men.

For two weeks now the theft of the St. John's Chinese Dragons has taken Wyoming Catholic College by storm. Angry members of St. John's have been investigating and demanding justice, but in its being a crime of unprecedented planning, secrecy, and organization, few clues have as yet been discerned. Accusations fly like sparrows in the wind as the dorm members attempt to retrieve their "cult objects", which even John's mortal enemies deny to have taken. Chinese Dragons And that is the most incredible part of this case, the music balls or "chinese dragons"  have disappeared completely with no, zero, clues at all as to their disappearance. This of course didn't stop the St. John's posse from their search for justice, or was it self interest, but as of March 17th they are still missing and things are getting desperate for the John's members without their cult objects. Unless they are found soon, interdorm relations, already strained, could ...

News this week - Raucous St. Patrick's Day Party/Stolen Bikes/KKAA/Junior Music Papers/Another Drop Just like what happened in Plato's Symposium ,   a raucous party came and took over Lander's Crux Coffee late Saturday night.  Reports are still coming in of the exact details but amidst hours of ear-breaking noise a riot broke out between the current WCC Juniors and some Freshmen performers, who, proclaiming that they didn't know anything, sang "...we don't know any juniors". Luckily, things calmed down when a even more raucous party came in around 11pm, leading disagreements to dispersion in the midst of ever louder noise. Meanwhile, several dozen bikes were stolen near-simultaneously from WCC students in and around the campus, leading to fresh accusations against the Campus Assassins organization, which still officially denies responsibility. "I mean who else could it be?" asks Bart Rathbone, local buisness owner of the El...

In the latest controversy to erupt among the freshmen rockers and upperclassmen at WCC is the question of the moral imperative of "dumpster diving". A fellow student rocker caught on camera last night in the hunt for eternal glory Launched last night by St Athanasius prefect Fay, a movement has begun to achieve fame, glory, and justice along with the personal benefit of nice new pants. As the school official wrote:  Also, the dumpster behind Eagle Uniform Supply is overflowing with practically-brand-new Dickies, jeans, and some Carhartt pants. I scored some really nice jeans out of there this evening. So check it out if you are so inclined. Pax, Pete So, some freshmen rockers took him up on it in the quest for justice and the artifact "forms" of nice clothes: Be warned: Being the poor college student that I am, I did feel inclined to do a bit of gentlemanly "dumpster shopping" earlier this evening. Yet, I hadn't even popped the li...

Cyril (right) and an undisclosed relative Few details available yet bu the professor is back, Professor Cyril Patton has returned to collect the prime matter,  substantial forms, and accidents he left behind from his sudden departure a month and a half ago.Cyril plans to remain here for around forty-eight hours, his first public statement suggests, catch a sight of our first memorial wall member while you can! Campus Assassins has made no statement on their plans concerning Cyril at press time, but a kidnapping on him would not be out of the ordinary considering the present situation and their tactics and might even gain support from many of the freshmen rockers and IIT itself.  More to come as our investigators explore this shocking development, a return almost no one saw coming.

March 13, 2019-Lander, Wyoming. Well, it finally happened. You've heard rumors about the essay for some time and you knew it was going to be a long one. However, rather than simply setting the assignment parameters at 8-10 pages, the professor has opted for a word count instead. How could anyone have the gall to do that? Now all of your essay-writing tricks are useless. You can use Book Antiqua at 12 point font; you can add in an extra space between paragraphs. You could even format your lines at 2.15 times spacing, rather than using standard double spacing. It doesn't matter. Nothing will help you reach the word count besides actual words. Many words spring to mind at this point, but none are printable, and they wouldn't be particularly helpful, at any rate. The first step to be taken is to make sure that your diction is up to the task. When one writes, one never 'walks through a valley.' Rather, one must 'meander through the green mountain vale as the sun...

There has been unprecedented increase in inter dorm tensions within Wyoming Catholic College over the past month. Multiple of thefts of dorm cult objects have been reported, a freshmen rocker was kidnapped and sacrificed, angry students are hurling accusations at other dorms for various offenses, and some people have even been thrown out of dorms that are not their own. And things don't seem to be slowing down, with several people receiving death threats from opposing dorms and a trio of St. John's members marching around like a "frontier justice posse" making accusations. They sit well together in the classroom, but...  Many experts including IIT associate Quintus Netserayhu believe this to be but the precursors to full on war. "Look at how this all started," he says. "The sacrifice, a retaliation, an attempt on John Wayne, death threats, I don't see how we can go anywhere but downhill from here." Presently the ultimate "nuclear ...

The sleep controversy is on the rise in Lander, WY where WCC student Johannes vonBuelow counters Professor Cyril Patton's experiments and findings on the matter of sleep with a fiery editorial published in the student newspaper, The Pigeonhole . A descendent of German nobility, Johannes claims unlike Patton that sleep is actually beneficial and necessary for most people. "It works for me and I can't imagine not sleeping." he said in an un-social interview, conducted via letters with IIT associates. "If I sleep I don't have to talk to people or eat Frassati food" he said. See here for example that nice smile, enlivened attitude and sociable nature, and its all because of sleep. Its simple, Johannes argues to learn how to sleep, and for this end is offering a self-guided practicum  at WCC  during  regularly scheduled class sections.  Simply show up tired and fall asleep, no homework, no trouble, he maintains. Classes begin Friday with a 35 p...

March 11, 2019-Lander, Wyoming. We at Irkutsk Ice Truckers are proud to announce the launch of our all-new classifieds section, which can be found on our homepage! It was decided that this addition would be a great step forward for the WCC community, enabling students to advertise their goods and services to one another free of charge, all without the need to send out an all-school e-mail (or multiple all-school e-mails) in attempt to bring in that elusive positive cash flow. We hope that everyone enjoys the new feature and we ask that everyone keep postings updated or deleted, as necessary. Also, tell your friends! The more people actively visit the site and list things on it, the more useful it will be. Go to  buy.irkutskicetruckers.com God bless, -The IIT Team

Shut Up and Die? Yes it came here This stunning video leaked to the public today shows members of the new charity  How to Shut Down Tangents (HSDT)    at work. Long operating at TAC (Thomas Aquinas College) they are finally active here. Sponsored by Irkutsk Ice Truckers, HSDT offers premiumly crafted service to WCC students angry that a class discussion is getting out of hand. Congratulations on their successful work in keeping a geometry class on topic. See them at work here: Here is their original operation at TAC in practice: To join HSDT write to  everett.polinski@irkutskicetruckers.com

Gregory - god of Mischief In a sudden turn of events, WCC sophomore Gregory Legreid was revealed to the world yesterday as the "god of mischief". Standing on the top of Frassati Hall, and flanked by "Legionaries" from "the Legion", Gregory presented his theology paper to an assembled crowd of students who were blown away by its self-referential beauty. After listening for twenty minutes the crowd fell down in stunned stupor as Dr. Holmes rang a 255 pound heresy bell in amazed response at Gregory's paper, which in amazing similarity to the truths revealed through the Evangelium Andreii  portrays Gregory himself as a god equal to or greater than Andrew and Janelle. While few details about the worship he requests and deserves if in fact a god were revealed, rumors suggest that a great deal of Bacchic principles are to be a part of Gregory's cult while he revealed himself at the conclusion of his reading as specifically, "the god of mischi...

March 11, 2019-Lander, Wyoming. You may have noticed a trend: More and more men in the prime of their lives sporting a physique that isn't quite the chiseled look that society seems to claim men ought to have, nor is it the let-go appearance of the couch potato. This is the dad bod. Also, whether we like it or not, it is here to stay. While some like to make sport of this particular physique, it must be noted that people who possess this body type aren't necessarily out of shape. The dad bod is really not related to the ever-popular 'keg,' but actually indicates a degree of physical fitness. This sort of man is likely not the sort of person to trouble the world with daily Facebook posts about his gym time, nor is he likely to tweet about having just finished binge-watching the second season of Stranger Things . The possessor of a dad bod, rather, seems a man more of the Aristotelian mean. He is well used to physical labor and other forms of exercise, but these ar...

Announcing "Avalanche - 3 Days of Freezing" Continuing  the adventures of the freshmen rockers, Avalanche this time focuses six months after the terrors of the Tetons when the freshmen class, divided into eight groups for a winter expedition finds itself again in the mists of terror, freezing in an avalanche of doom and death as the divine, natural, human, and psycholgical combine for an experience like no other.   William, among the dead from the tragedies of that August, has been haunting Wyoming Catholic College for months, angry at those who accidentally were responsible for his death. Andrew has been living out his divinity yet has come in conflict with the goddess Janelle, while two students who by some stroke missed the terrors of the Tetons now find themselves key players in a new epic. The Freshmen rockers are preparing again to go into the wilderness, yet this time into the dark chill of the coldest part of Wyoming, the Hinsterasha lands. Th...

This painting is actually a miniature that was unearthed recently on a tundra plain in an unknown location in Alaska. Faded and in poor condition, it none the less successfully portrays the young manhood of Sir Isaac Reynolds. Because of its condition, it is believed that this miniature was once worn around the neck of the man's lover. Yet, as the neck, and indeed the rest of the body, of such a lover is still at large, we shall pass this idea as just a rumor. Apparently preserved by some natural element, some claim it is due to the man's face itself, this painting remains a mystery to the scientific world. Although the strokes of paint are a bit faded, the majestic grin that emanates from Sir Isaac's face still comes through as bright as ever. Such a painting will add a special grace to the community, as well as doubtlessly bring many tourists. The exact date this miniature was painted is still to be determined. Yet, such a masterpiece speaks of other paintings ...

In our two months of online operation Irkutsk Ice Truckers has just broken all records for internet traffic with 235! pageviews as of 5:30pm Mountain Time for today. We thank new IIT correspondent S. Ezra Smith with his particularly popular reporting on the Friday night Leo's incident for this bump in popularity. Thank you to all our readers and lets keep this momentum up. If anyone wants to join, the IIT team is ready and willing to take on more to our freshmen rocker team. Contact careers@irkutskicetruckers.com Rock on,  Everett James Everard Ernie Ezra Average Muslim Liturgist Spoons McGee Potato The Oregunion

Always growing, IIT is pleased to announce the addition of two new rockers to our all-star ice-trucking team. S. Ezra Smith S. Ezra Smith and Spoons McGee are two new Lander, WY based employees who will bring new far-reaching viewpoints and analysis to the IIT team. S. Ezra Smith hails originally from the American South while Spoons, also from that area has extensive knowledge of Jewish culture which will expand our multicultural news coverage. Smith has already published an article for IIT on the destruction Friday of St. Leo's: read here : and welcome them both to the team.

March 9, 2019-Lander, Wyoming. Early Friday morning, residents of St. Leo's Dormitory on the Holy Rosary Parish grounds were awakened to violent reverberations and the sound of their dorm crumbling around them, along with another sound, one unlike anything any of them had ever heard before. The sound abruptly ceased as the power conduits were severed and the building settled in a heap on the ground. As the bewildered students crawled out from beneath the rubble, their prefect, Mr. Nick Rex, was relieved to find that everyone was accounted for and there were no injuries, besides the expected scrapes and bruises. As morning at the brown brink eastward sprung, the young men surveyed the wreckage of that which had been their home for the past semester and a half. Mr. Rex summoned up the greatest semblance of grim determination he could muster, then to give a rousing speech to his charges. "Men," he said, "we know not why the power of the Divine has so smitten ou...

Image reportedly from this "event" Lander, WY Reports are new emerging about a raucous party last Monday at the hotel dorms. Upwards of twenty students reportedly attended, with loud noises, sharp "bangs" and raucous singing said to have occurred. The party was broken up by St. Josemaria prefect Joel, and charges are rumored against the instigators of this "Christendom party" although their exact nature is still mysterious given that IIT finds nothing out of the ordinary with such entertianment. Aretari Polinski, a WCC Junior who attended reports that the attendees were "mainly freshmen rockers" and the purpose... for that he just said "most of them did not know why they had come together". Several students who attended claimed that it was nothing but a surprise birthday part for a freshman from Arizona, yet Dr. Zagorski of Timmy Treatments International thinks that there is more involved as a conversation from a Freshm...

Tonight our theology papers are due, that is in 20 minutes... So think about your papers but also more importantly about what you are doing tonight. That means - Irkutsk Ice Party time! Listen to IIT approved "metal" (err of sorts and rock away the night when the time gets taken away!) Irkutsk Ice Party tonight at the Frat, or the Hotel, or wherever your Christendom party spirit may take you under the inspiration of the muses. Ice walk, ice climb, ice sing. And remember to listen to "Were You There When" metallized while NOT DIVING !

UPDATE: New revelations have appeared that Rosie is innocent of many of the prescribed charges. No one showed up for the protests today, so we believe the public has taken hold of the new information and apologize for the incomplete picture we had received of this man. At original press time the charges seemed right but we stand corrected. Long live King Rosie! Known as "Rosie" this man according to many runs Frassati Hall with a comical jovial divine spirit, nearly  always to be found within. Legitimately head of the Baking Crew, Rosie can be found interfering in the free and fair work of others at all hours of the day. Not only does he interfere but as many of our interviewees report, he terrorizes them with his unique personality and style, his pranks, and his teases. No one is safe from him, but particularly terrified freshmen rockers are fighting back. Determined not to be "rosied", mass protests against "Rosie's" power are planned...