Skip to main content

Birthday Party - Or Betawine Fest?

Image reportedly from this "event"

Lander, WY
Reports are new emerging about a raucous party last Monday at the hotel dorms. Upwards of twenty students reportedly attended, with loud noises, sharp "bangs" and raucous singing said to have occurred.

The party was broken up by St. Josemaria prefect Joel, and charges are rumored against the instigators of this "Christendom party" although their exact nature is still mysterious given that IIT finds nothing out of the ordinary with such entertianment. Aretari Polinski, a WCC Junior who attended reports that the attendees were "mainly freshmen rockers" and the purpose... for that he just said "most of them did not know why they had come together".

Several students who attended claimed that it was nothing but a surprise birthday part for a freshman from Arizona, yet Dr. Zagorski of Timmy Treatments International thinks that there is more involved as a conversation from a Freshman "Theo-logy" class inspired this event.

It’s the closest thing to drugs that Catholics are allowed to do.” - Dr. Holmes on Ezekiel 1“I knew it!” -Blaise

Dr. Zagorski suggests the possibility that a bunch of freshmen rockers were just assembling to "do Ezekial" and the necessary drinking of refined beverages such as betawine and aquamir was just entertainment. He continues "They're just freshmen rockers, having a good time. Why not have a symposium? And its even better if they're allowed to 'do philosophy' together."

James Green, a freshmen from Indiana attended the event, yet claims however that there was no philosophy, Ezekial, or betawine involved. "It was just Kathy's birthday and two days before Lent, and we got to play with balloons, so why not go? Isabel was so nice to invite all of us."

So was there anything to this party? Several upperclassmen and visitors to the town are asking for prosecution of the students involved "for disturbance of their inner muse" but James and others IIT interviewed at the party here vehemently disagree. The party was shut down, we know for sure, but the why is the question. Legal or not, crazy or quiet, something went on last Monday night at the hotel.

But will it bring the Class of 22 eternal memory in the WCC Student Handbook?
Only Spike knows!








Comments

Popular

Ban the Joe: Get Joe to Come Here

The symbol of the cause Many WCC students are mourning the loss of Joe B. to University of Dallas. A promising member of the spring Founders draft, many were looking forward to him joining the Class of 2023. Banjo Guy as he is called, has reportedly committed to attending the University of Dallas near his Texas hometown, in a decision largely predicated upon the attendance there of many of his friends. But never fear, it's not too late! "It's not up to him whether he comes or not," was the simple conclusion from a high-level meeting of the new WCC Future Student Decision Council. Simply, that means that as everyone wants him here, he can't just decide to go elsewhere. Everyone wants him to come here, but how, one might ask, do we change this horrible decision? There are multiple ways to be sure, but to begin, we're collecting signatures as part of a national BAN-JO campaign. Ban does not mean ban in the typical sense of disallowing, but is h...

School Released Couple Chart With Errors

New details are emerging today about how April's Student Couple Chart had several "very obvious mistakes". Assembled as it always is by the WCC student life office, they, however, missed some "very obvious couples" this time in assembling their quarterly report. How could they have missed them?" questions Fr. Olar about a couple that had been together for 5 Days  by the time the chart was put together. "Surely all the new technology the school has paid for should have caught something as obvious as this couple when they were sitting together every day in Mass." "Its an abhorrence against the cosmic order," says Sophomore Sophia Donaldson about these very obvious mistakes. "Some friends and I went through and drew all the connections between the couples on the chart. And there lies the problem, we had to draw them. Shouldn't they have been obvious just from looking at it?"  Above is a redacted image of t...

MetalMatch: Dating - By Irkutsk

Find your true metalhead love - now made easier by MetalMatch by IIT Simply input your information and we set you up with a guaranteed shot at your choice of "pseudo-dating", dating, or our new special of "anti-Pseudo" dating where you are guaranteed a fake dating relationship that you can show off even though it's really all fake. Visit https://everettpolinski.wixsite.com/icedate Or write to date@irkutskicetruckers.com IIT wants you to have the best heavy-metal castle relationship possible and will do everything we can to get you a successful relationship. New statistical and geometric methods improve the accuracy of our matchmaking program while surveillance efforts around the WCC campus track results in real time. Our satisfied customers include Dr. Grove, Peter Fay, Anselm, Sophia Donaldson, and our very own Aretari Polinski. Date today!