Irkutsk Ice Truckers

St. Scholastica In a move that has proved quite shocking to some, the shake-up so recently announced among WCC dormitories for next year has included transgender patronages. A current women's dorm consecrated to St. Scholastica will become next year a men's dorm, forcing men to be under the patronage of a female saint. Seemingly innocuous, a few find it unbearable, however. "It's horrendous", says WCC student Michael Olsson concerning the planned development. "I don't know what kind of Theology department we have that would sign off on something like this." He is referring to the news out today that this decision to keep the dorm consecrated to St. Scholastica came from the decision of unnamed Theology professors. "You can't switch names around wildly you say", continues Michael. "Then why did they switch Josemaria's from what is now Theresa's to the hotel?" he asks. "You switched names last time. Now w...

New details are emerging today about how April's Student Couple Chart had several "very obvious mistakes". Assembled as it always is by the WCC student life office, they, however, missed some "very obvious couples" this time in assembling their quarterly report. How could they have missed them?" questions Fr. Olar about a couple that had been together for 5 Days  by the time the chart was put together. "Surely all the new technology the school has paid for should have caught something as obvious as this couple when they were sitting together every day in Mass." "Its an abhorrence against the cosmic order," says Sophomore Sophia Donaldson about these very obvious mistakes. "Some friends and I went through and drew all the connections between the couples on the chart. And there lies the problem, we had to draw them. Shouldn't they have been obvious just from looking at it?"  Above is a redacted image of t...

The Possee, harem, "Friends of Ruth", actors, or ... Who are they really? They're back. Once again "a bunch of little Ruthies" has descended upon WCC, this time in a group of five arriving from her New York township last Tuesday. That this is the fourth time visitors have come to Ruthie has surprised many at the school, putting far greater focus on this visitation than any other. Why are they here, who are they, and what are their intentions in regards to the school, are just some of the thoughts going through the minds of a student body totally unaccustomed to the sight, let alone the presence of so many Protestants among them. Opinions vary widely on answers to these questions, even as the general tone when the visit was announced was one of fear. Even though this has mellowed somewhat over the visit, many just don't know what to think. Some, including a WCC senior, consider these five visitors of the week as "Ruth's harem" whatev...

Poster imagined and created by ETBmugbug&bros Irkutsk Ice Truckers is pleased to announce the May 1st launch of its new TV network with the show:  HER AND HOLMES Showcasing the life, adventures, studies, and complexities of living in Lander. Her and Holmes  brings the best stories of the soap opera that is the Freshman Rocker class combined with the epic stories of the WCC founding into a comedy that will actualize the potential that is in you to be risible. Laugh away as Her and Holmes investigate together the crimes, scandals, mysteries, and equivocations of philosophy, theology, sophistry, and ice-trucking while bringing all of the above to your mental apprehensions. Launching May 1st on the IIT channel, 8pm MST go to IrkutskTV.com or HerAndHolmes.com Find out how three Bs got along in the same WCCLE How Sherlock discovered the truth of the Bocardo syllogism How crime syndicates have infiltrated the WCC dating scene How ...

After analysis into the disappearance of musical items from the room of Mr. Floody, students and school officials have quickly rushed to plan a new course to correct what officials call a "growing Marxian revolution" in the student body. While incidents have been occurring for months, things came to a head with the recent disappearance of musical accessories from the room where Mr. Floody resides. After discovering the disappearance minutes before a  packed Soul Butter concert he wrote out in despair: "We are not all family. My things are not your things. They never have been and with very few exceptions never will be. Stop taking things that don't belong to you. It's annoying and it's childish. Let's try being decent humans." Let's become "decent humans" he implores in this e-mail sent to the entire student body. Unfortunately, the phrase  with "very few exceptions" leaves room open for equivocation, so it was quick...

New Technology is Bringing Valuable Information to Assist the WCC Dating Office in Reducing Pseudo-Dating Rates With dating having recently become official in three new couples over the past week, the Freshmen Rockers have just reached parity with the current Sophomore class at this point last year. However, unexpectedly the percentage of this that is pseudo-dating is 24% lower than the equivalent statistic of the Sophomores this week last year. "The dating scene is really heating up for the Class of 2022," says WCC Chief Dating Officer Kathleen Milligan, "but we're more impressed with the numbers beneath the surface than with the headline statistic. She is talking about the Pseudo-Dating ratio, which having been particularly high among the current sophomores at 35/100 relationships is only near around 27/100 this year among freshmen relationships. "I'm very pleased with the efforts of all the ruling class at the Student Life office this year to mak...

WCC students and residents of the surrounding community are chilled by reports of multiple groups of ghostly figures climbing, wandering, and moving all about Lander. Leaving no trace, and doing no apparent crimes, the presence of whatever this is, however, has become quite frightening to many. As an unnamed student captured on his phone last week, this, one of only two actual images of the figures gives few clues, but enough t0 further the terror of whomever these figures actually are.  A highly enlarged image of the figures on top of a tower Our source did not give the image's exact location, but said that from his hidden vantage point he observed three figures climbing up the tower seen in his image, chanting some unintelligible phrases, and then climbing back down and disappearing into the night. "I didn't follow them," he said, "because all along as I was watching them I had a terrible feeling that I was myself being watched. In the moment, I wa...

Hundreds of college t-shirts pile in a corner of her dorm room. On her dresser stand two dozen water bottles printed with various names. A box is outgoing with a collection of a thousand college-branded pens she's selling for $100. We still don't believe it, but WCC Senior Theresa Chance has made thousands of dollars and gotten all the above and more - for free! You can also do this, as her method is simple. She declares interest as a "interested high-school senior" or "intelligent student who wants to transfer" at any of the nation's thousands of colleges: And then, she gets mailed stuff: T-shirts, water bottles, pens, and even a themed desk chair to go along with gift cards mailed weekly from Christendom College. Theresa Chance "Some schools are pretty stingy", she says, but there are numerous opportunities to really get it from places that don't mind throwing the cash a bit." Christendom, TAC, Franciscan, y...

The symbol of the cause Many WCC students are mourning the loss of Joe B. to University of Dallas. A promising member of the spring Founders draft, many were looking forward to him joining the Class of 2023. Banjo Guy as he is called, has reportedly committed to attending the University of Dallas near his Texas hometown, in a decision largely predicated upon the attendance there of many of his friends. But never fear, it's not too late! "It's not up to him whether he comes or not," was the simple conclusion from a high-level meeting of the new WCC Future Student Decision Council. Simply, that means that as everyone wants him here, he can't just decide to go elsewhere. Everyone wants him to come here, but how, one might ask, do we change this horrible decision? There are multiple ways to be sure, but to begin, we're collecting signatures as part of a national BAN-JO campaign. Ban does not mean ban in the typical sense of disallowing, but is h...

In an angry torch procession, local parishioners of Holy Rosary Catholic Church protested "unjust discrimination" against them in regards to "liturgical responsibilities and powers" at the Easter Vigil. "All but two of the ministers involved in the liturgy were from Wyoming Catholic College. And it was OUR Mass," they say. Such discrimination "undeniably hurts vocational and service opportunities for aspiring young children" claims the protest's leader, Sylvia Anderson. "And besides, what about visitors. It gives them a completely false impression of us as a welcoming trendy parish. And besides, it's just unfair. My family's been here twice as long as the school has, and we seem to get far less say in the parish than these foreigners do." Sylvia Anderson leader of the protest While not disputing the claims of Sylvia and those like her, WCC has officialy responded, claiming that they were asked to fill ministerial fun...

The room in question Baldwin's Room C was closed for classes for much of last month after strange leaks caused roof and floor damage. Officially, "maintenance work" on the floor above resulted in these leaks, but given that this room was the primary meeting place for the well-known C-Sophomore club, IIT decided to investigate more closely amid suspicions that something more was truly going on. Also known as "the Legion" from its founding members, this club regularly met in Room C whenever it was not being used for classes. Until, of course, the room was mysteriously closed for "cleaning" after an "accidental water leak", something which several of our sources say was either faked or purposeful with malicious intent.  Gregory, one of the "Legion's" members, and recently revealed as a god  blames the room's closure on "mischief by school officials, who were trying to hijack my fate and my specialty." Thi...

In a move long awaited by culture starved Lander, several WCC students are launching Wyoming's very first liturgical fashion show. "Vestment fashion has been pretty awful, too put it mildly, for the past few centuries" says Jacob Zepp founder of the organization Zepp's Biretta's which is the event's primary sponsor. "But this Saturday, we're going to begin bringing about a return to saintly style, starting right here in Lander." Zepp's organization is contributing dozens of prototype albs, cassocks, surplices, dalmatics, chasubles, birettas, and more, but the true strength of his planned show, Jacob continues, is in the "multiplicity" of eras, rites, and faiths that will be represented. Not just his organization, but dozens of traditional and start-up liturgical design organizations have been invited, and nearly all are planning to attend the April 27th Bosoeke Hall gala. But its not just amidst a pleasant variety o...

Scandal erupted Wednesday" in Geometry (MTH 102) class at Wyoming Catholic College when it was discovered that a "phone" was being used in class instruction in place of "the fates". Traditionally and properly, a twenty-sided die was in use, until students discovered today the use of a "portabile instrumentum radiotelephonicum" in class While it is bad enough that the traditional and proper twenty-sided die was relegated to history, the fates denied their divine right, the use of a phone as replacement worsens the situation the more. As a student exclaimed in sudden realization of what they had unknowingly been subject to: "A telephone!" While Dr. Zepeda had complained over the fates unduly choosing some students over others both in terms of demonstration count and in easier propositions, many students were actually happy with the decisions of the fates as opposed to the "random" draws of the phone. "What's...

Please Note: This article is an exaggerated personal opinion made in jest by an IIT contributor It may not reflect the views of Irkutsk Ice Truckers or any of its subsidiaries or associates. As can be seen from this recently released video, the Spring 2019 Desert Backpacking trip with Wyoming Catholic College may have been backpacking, but it most definitely was not a "desert trip" Look like a desert to you? "Its basically a total scam" reports James Green, one of nineteen WCC students who went on the trip. "I signed up for a nice warm week walking only a few miles a day in a desert valley. But what happened instead? Several days walking up a river: carrying water!" Our staff "Average Muslim Liturgist" specifically called out the so-called trails both in and out of the water as "like old movies you see of the Vietnam War".  What more needs to be said? While a good experience with the company on the trip, I can say f...

WCC's new Dean, Professor Washut, has a strange and storied history, as is just now being revealed. Apparently as this recently uncovered photo demonstrates he has a secret military past. But why, and why has this not yet been known publically? Discovered on the floor of his office during his lengthy absence last month, the image that prompts these questions offers itself few answers. The uniform is intriguing, offering no clues to any known nationality of his service. His smile seems out of place unless he is on a drill of some sort. A silver watch is visible on his left arm, one appearing very much like one he currently wears, leading some to believe that this picture is very  recent. Similarly, IIT supercomputer analysis of his facial features giving a possible maximum age of two years for this photograph. But could this be possible? Professor Washut has been teaching here for years, with no evidence that he was ever gone long enough to host even the briefest of mil...

An already raucous Philosophy class was further disturbed Tuesday by a suddenly pronounced buzzing noise. Everyone looked around. Of course it couldn't be a cell phone, right? But still it went on, muffled, no one could tell exactly whence it came. This was Section 100 in the middle of a Grove Philosophy test, Tuesday, April 16th. Students were tired, many having stayed up late to study. Maybe it was a hallucination? Maybe it was a trick? But there was no time to care, the clock ticking. Until... then came forth the voice: "What is that which I hear, it sounds an awful lot like a phone? But surely, it couldn't be?" Grove called out in the middle of the test, looking for proof, looking for the facts. And yes it was a phone,, permission had been given, but the one who held it different. Borrowed, she said it was, as the sound stopped and no questions further were made. But a phone, a cell-phone, at WCC, why was there not more concern? All were surprised, but no ...