Skip to main content

Easter Vigil: Parish Discrimination Claims

In an angry torch procession, local parishioners of Holy Rosary Catholic Church protested "unjust discrimination" against them in regards to "liturgical responsibilities and powers" at the Easter Vigil. "All but two of the ministers involved in the liturgy were from Wyoming Catholic College. And it was OUR Mass," they say. Such discrimination "undeniably hurts vocational and service opportunities for aspiring young children" claims the protest's leader, Sylvia Anderson. "And besides, what about visitors. It gives them a completely false impression of us as a welcoming trendy parish. And besides, it's just unfair. My family's been here twice as long as the school has, and we seem to get far less say in the parish than these foreigners do."
Sylvia Anderson leader of the protest
While not disputing the claims of Sylvia and those like her, WCC has officialy responded, claiming that they were asked to fill ministerial functions that otherwise would be vacant. "If we had learned that Sylvia's children wanted to help serve or usher we're sure Alex or Thomas would have been happy to train them." She fired back almost immediately saying, "but that's the problem. Why do we have to go through YOUR people to be involved in OUR church. Before you came, this church was almost empty, plenty of time and space to do our intefaith peace rituals with those we wanted to bring in. Then you... Ohh the horror!" Reportedly she broke out crying after saying this, but a quote different reaction was on display that night. 

Marchers along Main St. near midnight Saturday
At that time, she and several dozen other angry followers paraded down Main St. with lighted torches, chanting for "social justice, peace, and affirmative action to benefit those 'who are of other faiths by the will of God'." Police were called when there appeared to be danger of the oil-polluted PopoAgie River being set alight by their torches, but apparently no injury or damage occurred. However, the display frightened many, like Angus Winstrom at the Lander Bar, who "saw them coming" and remembered the times he saw the KKK as a boy. "Ohh, by golly, these seemed like the old boys" he recounted, "but then I realized it was just some kids partying late." Winstrom's opinion has not yet been corrected, but he and others were definitely relieved when the situation calmed down due to the sheer exhaustion of the protestors after a record-setting length of two-hour and fifty-five minute for the Easter Vigil.

Reportedly, Mrs. Anderson is now protesting outside of NOLS for not accepting dogs into their outdoor courses as students.

Comments

Popular

Ban the Joe: Get Joe to Come Here

The symbol of the cause Many WCC students are mourning the loss of Joe B. to University of Dallas. A promising member of the spring Founders draft, many were looking forward to him joining the Class of 2023. Banjo Guy as he is called, has reportedly committed to attending the University of Dallas near his Texas hometown, in a decision largely predicated upon the attendance there of many of his friends. But never fear, it's not too late! "It's not up to him whether he comes or not," was the simple conclusion from a high-level meeting of the new WCC Future Student Decision Council. Simply, that means that as everyone wants him here, he can't just decide to go elsewhere. Everyone wants him to come here, but how, one might ask, do we change this horrible decision? There are multiple ways to be sure, but to begin, we're collecting signatures as part of a national BAN-JO campaign. Ban does not mean ban in the typical sense of disallowing, but is h...

No more spills!

I am going to keep this brief. I really do not want to be that person , but it is something that I have observed recently, and it is becoming a problem. And not your regular problem, no, this is becoming a HUGE problem. No one likes it when there is water spilled everywhere, leastwise me. We all hate it when we go in and start slipping everywhere because someone did not do it right. I’m serious. If you are going to dive, don’t. There are no experts at this college, except maybe John-John, so you have no excuse to do it. When you dive, water spills all over the place and it isn’t pleasant. Also, this includes no jumping, no pencils, and especially no cannonballs. Another point. Is there actually a thrill in such an activity? Can you actually say that you enjoy diving? What is the use once you get in there? There is nothing to see, nothing to do; all you will be able to brag about is that you accidentally swallowed a bit more than you wanted. So again, please, I beg of yo...

BREAKING: Spons Verberans Goes Missing

Reported just thirty minutes ago by Freshman Rocker Olivia, the much acclaimed "Spons Verberans cult object has gone missing. See it sticking up from Rinju's backpack on the left several weeks ago when the renowned "hitting spoon" first came to WCC on the Spring 2019 Desert Backpacking "Desert Scam" But as Olivia, guardian of the spoon, reported this evening, it's now missing! She reported: A highly precious Giant Golden Spoon has gone missing. It is known as Spons Verberans Has anyone seen it? Does anyone have any idea where it could be recovered? Sincerely, Olivia Spons is dear to everyone here at WCC, and after the recent disappearance of the Chinese Balls from St. John's this latest strike adds to a troubling month of Marxist trends here at WCC. Marxist Trend Concerns Spark New Freshman Course Know where they are? Tell us at recoverspons@irkutskicetruckers.com