Skip to main content

Bubbles are Now Approved Liturgical Blessing

Image
By
Lander/Dusseldorf- After two WCC freshmen performed the practice of liturgical bubble blessing a week ago, several German bishops have declared that bubbles are an acceptable form of blessing during and outside liturgies.

Cardinal Günter Schuster of Dusseldorf, Germany announced today in a joint statement with six other German bishops that "all priests are open to being truly welcoming this weekend with an invigorating and modern liturgy that will bring all to love."

His instructions of a "truly welcoming" liturgy included to the surprise of many WCC students who had received the blessing of Darius and Sarah but never could have guessed that bishops were thinking the same thing.

"I must admit I was a little skeptical of the idea at first," says Freshman Rocker JohnJohn, "I mean I'm all about inclusion, but for some reason, I thought bubbles were kind of excluding. I guess I was wrong though with Cardinal Schuster's announcement. Either I've really been sleeping through those classes here on tradition, to have missed that this was such a great idea. or we got some real power here over the church."

IIT's Staff Average Muslim Liturgist comments, however, that the idea is new to Catholicism, but is part of the Cardinal's outreach to Muslim's for whom bubbles have been a tradition for centuries. "It symbolizes the goal of making their enemies as like bubbles which they can easily pop. The Cardinal test-ran  a similar idea with light-sabers instead of candles at the Easter vigil last month and thinks this will boost his popular support among Muslims as the last attempt did with youth.

At press time, neither Darius nor Sarah have commented on the influence many see them as having in the church through a supposed connection between these events. However, Darius is reportedly now receiving Holy Communion while kneeling on the tongue. If Cardinal Schuster follows through with this idea, suggesting it to his priests, IIT editors think this connection will be worth further investigation.

Until then, it might mean nothing.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular

Ban the Joe: Get Joe to Come Here

By
The symbol of the cause Many WCC students are mourning the loss of Joe B. to University of Dallas. A promising member of the spring Founders draft, many were looking forward to him joining the Class of 2023. Banjo Guy as he is called, has reportedly committed to attending the University of Dallas near his Texas hometown, in a decision largely predicated upon the attendance there of many of his friends. But never fear, it's not too late! "It's not up to him whether he comes or not," was the simple conclusion from a high-level meeting of the new WCC Future Student Decision Council. Simply, that means that as everyone wants him here, he can't just decide to go elsewhere. Everyone wants him to come here, but how, one might ask, do we change this horrible decision? There are multiple ways to be sure, but to begin, we're collecting signatures as part of a national BAN-JO campaign. Ban does not mean ban in the typical sense of disallowing, but is h...
Post a Comment
Read more

No more spills!

By
I am going to keep this brief. I really do not want to be that person , but it is something that I have observed recently, and it is becoming a problem. And not your regular problem, no, this is becoming a HUGE problem. No one likes it when there is water spilled everywhere, leastwise me. We all hate it when we go in and start slipping everywhere because someone did not do it right. I’m serious. If you are going to dive, don’t. There are no experts at this college, except maybe John-John, so you have no excuse to do it. When you dive, water spills all over the place and it isn’t pleasant. Also, this includes no jumping, no pencils, and especially no cannonballs. Another point. Is there actually a thrill in such an activity? Can you actually say that you enjoy diving? What is the use once you get in there? There is nothing to see, nothing to do; all you will be able to brag about is that you accidentally swallowed a bit more than you wanted. So again, please, I beg of yo...
1 comment
Read more

BREAKING: Spons Verberans Goes Missing

By LivingtheReal
Reported just thirty minutes ago by Freshman Rocker Olivia, the much acclaimed "Spons Verberans cult object has gone missing. See it sticking up from Rinju's backpack on the left several weeks ago when the renowned "hitting spoon" first came to WCC on the Spring 2019 Desert Backpacking "Desert Scam" But as Olivia, guardian of the spoon, reported this evening, it's now missing! She reported: A highly precious Giant Golden Spoon has gone missing. It is known as Spons Verberans Has anyone seen it? Does anyone have any idea where it could be recovered? Sincerely, Olivia Spons is dear to everyone here at WCC, and after the recent disappearance of the Chinese Balls from St. John's this latest strike adds to a troubling month of Marxist trends here at WCC. Marxist Trend Concerns Spark New Freshman Course Know where they are? Tell us at recoverspons@irkutskicetruckers.com
Post a Comment
Read more