Skip to main content

Bubbles are Now Approved Liturgical Blessing

Image
By
Lander/Dusseldorf- After two WCC freshmen performed the practice of liturgical bubble blessing a week ago, several German bishops have declared that bubbles are an acceptable form of blessing during and outside liturgies.

Cardinal Günter Schuster of Dusseldorf, Germany announced today in a joint statement with six other German bishops that "all priests are open to being truly welcoming this weekend with an invigorating and modern liturgy that will bring all to love."

His instructions of a "truly welcoming" liturgy included to the surprise of many WCC students who had received the blessing of Darius and Sarah but never could have guessed that bishops were thinking the same thing.

"I must admit I was a little skeptical of the idea at first," says Freshman Rocker JohnJohn, "I mean I'm all about inclusion, but for some reason, I thought bubbles were kind of excluding. I guess I was wrong though with Cardinal Schuster's announcement. Either I've really been sleeping through those classes here on tradition, to have missed that this was such a great idea. or we got some real power here over the church."

IIT's Staff Average Muslim Liturgist comments, however, that the idea is new to Catholicism, but is part of the Cardinal's outreach to Muslim's for whom bubbles have been a tradition for centuries. "It symbolizes the goal of making their enemies as like bubbles which they can easily pop. The Cardinal test-ran  a similar idea with light-sabers instead of candles at the Easter vigil last month and thinks this will boost his popular support among Muslims as the last attempt did with youth.

At press time, neither Darius nor Sarah have commented on the influence many see them as having in the church through a supposed connection between these events. However, Darius is reportedly now receiving Holy Communion while kneeling on the tongue. If Cardinal Schuster follows through with this idea, suggesting it to his priests, IIT editors think this connection will be worth further investigation.

Until then, it might mean nothing.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular

Ban the Joe: Get Joe to Come Here

By
The symbol of the cause Many WCC students are mourning the loss of Joe B. to University of Dallas. A promising member of the spring Founders draft, many were looking forward to him joining the Class of 2023. Banjo Guy as he is called, has reportedly committed to attending the University of Dallas near his Texas hometown, in a decision largely predicated upon the attendance there of many of his friends. But never fear, it's not too late! "It's not up to him whether he comes or not," was the simple conclusion from a high-level meeting of the new WCC Future Student Decision Council. Simply, that means that as everyone wants him here, he can't just decide to go elsewhere. Everyone wants him to come here, but how, one might ask, do we change this horrible decision? There are multiple ways to be sure, but to begin, we're collecting signatures as part of a national BAN-JO campaign. Ban does not mean ban in the typical sense of disallowing, but is h...
Post a Comment
Read more

MetalMatch: Dating - By Irkutsk

By
Find your true metalhead love - now made easier by MetalMatch by IIT Simply input your information and we set you up with a guaranteed shot at your choice of "pseudo-dating", dating, or our new special of "anti-Pseudo" dating where you are guaranteed a fake dating relationship that you can show off even though it's really all fake. Visit https://everettpolinski.wixsite.com/icedate Or write to date@irkutskicetruckers.com IIT wants you to have the best heavy-metal castle relationship possible and will do everything we can to get you a successful relationship. New statistical and geometric methods improve the accuracy of our matchmaking program while surveillance efforts around the WCC campus track results in real time. Our satisfied customers include Dr. Grove, Peter Fay, Anselm, Sophia Donaldson, and our very own Aretari Polinski. Date today!
Post a Comment
Read more

School Released Couple Chart With Errors

By
New details are emerging today about how April's Student Couple Chart had several "very obvious mistakes". Assembled as it always is by the WCC student life office, they, however, missed some "very obvious couples" this time in assembling their quarterly report. How could they have missed them?" questions Fr. Olar about a couple that had been together for 5 Days  by the time the chart was put together. "Surely all the new technology the school has paid for should have caught something as obvious as this couple when they were sitting together every day in Mass." "Its an abhorrence against the cosmic order," says Sophomore Sophia Donaldson about these very obvious mistakes. "Some friends and I went through and drew all the connections between the couples on the chart. And there lies the problem, we had to draw them. Shouldn't they have been obvious just from looking at it?"  Above is a redacted image of t...
Post a Comment
Read more