Skip to main content

Antipersonnel Virus

Wyoming Catholic now apparently faces a terrible epidemic of missing items and email messages that may or may not be related to those items actually missing. With confusion over which are true, good, and beautiful, and which are bad and ugly, the combination of the horror of loss and this confusion has been causing nothing but distraction, discord, and distress.
Today, however, and from a redacted tip, IIT has received the following cryptic communication:
According to the Mikerosoft-Antipersonnel-Virus-Recognition-Hardware 3.6.2, some robot has been installed within the campus internet access and is duplicating the electronic signatures of sent messages and saving passwords, and is spreading data; manipulating you humans. I mean, US humans.   

No one has yet suspected the true source and impact of this danger until now and while our investigators work to find the perpetrator's purpose please be extra careful in all e-mail communications. No one is safe. Watch all your items, and only with proper distinction and separation of the same from the other, assist in the location of the missing items in today's epidemic.
Quid? Sic, Quid agere?

The W.C.C. Student Life office plans to host an emergency meeting at 9:30 AM on Sunday the 17th for more details. Network and Computer manager Jonathan Tabeling will give an update on the Antipersonnel Virus and what steps each should take while an undisclosed staff member will provide security tips for securing your belongings.




Comments

Popular

Ban the Joe: Get Joe to Come Here

The symbol of the cause Many WCC students are mourning the loss of Joe B. to University of Dallas. A promising member of the spring Founders draft, many were looking forward to him joining the Class of 2023. Banjo Guy as he is called, has reportedly committed to attending the University of Dallas near his Texas hometown, in a decision largely predicated upon the attendance there of many of his friends. But never fear, it's not too late! "It's not up to him whether he comes or not," was the simple conclusion from a high-level meeting of the new WCC Future Student Decision Council. Simply, that means that as everyone wants him here, he can't just decide to go elsewhere. Everyone wants him to come here, but how, one might ask, do we change this horrible decision? There are multiple ways to be sure, but to begin, we're collecting signatures as part of a national BAN-JO campaign. Ban does not mean ban in the typical sense of disallowing, but is h...

No more spills!

I am going to keep this brief. I really do not want to be that person , but it is something that I have observed recently, and it is becoming a problem. And not your regular problem, no, this is becoming a HUGE problem. No one likes it when there is water spilled everywhere, leastwise me. We all hate it when we go in and start slipping everywhere because someone did not do it right. I’m serious. If you are going to dive, don’t. There are no experts at this college, except maybe John-John, so you have no excuse to do it. When you dive, water spills all over the place and it isn’t pleasant. Also, this includes no jumping, no pencils, and especially no cannonballs. Another point. Is there actually a thrill in such an activity? Can you actually say that you enjoy diving? What is the use once you get in there? There is nothing to see, nothing to do; all you will be able to brag about is that you accidentally swallowed a bit more than you wanted. So again, please, I beg of yo...

BREAKING: Spons Verberans Goes Missing

Reported just thirty minutes ago by Freshman Rocker Olivia, the much acclaimed "Spons Verberans cult object has gone missing. See it sticking up from Rinju's backpack on the left several weeks ago when the renowned "hitting spoon" first came to WCC on the Spring 2019 Desert Backpacking "Desert Scam" But as Olivia, guardian of the spoon, reported this evening, it's now missing! She reported: A highly precious Giant Golden Spoon has gone missing. It is known as Spons Verberans Has anyone seen it? Does anyone have any idea where it could be recovered? Sincerely, Olivia Spons is dear to everyone here at WCC, and after the recent disappearance of the Chinese Balls from St. John's this latest strike adds to a troubling month of Marxist trends here at WCC. Marxist Trend Concerns Spark New Freshman Course Know where they are? Tell us at recoverspons@irkutskicetruckers.com