Jacob is a Bad Dude

As we all know, Jacob of the Bible book Genesis is like Agamoranan. Agamoran and Akillyvus get in some big fight over Akillyus’ slave and Akillyus, who I may also randomly call I’ll kill them all, gets vewy angry. He says, “I taught I taw a tutty Aggymon and he gets worstly angry and runs off the battle, running like he’s a bit angered, but really very angry, as his anger is all about stewing in being meanly hateful. He runs off to his big empty, cold, and dark ships. Jacob is similar to the bad dude Agamoran that made the happy Akillyus a bad dude; he runs around the Middle East and doesn’t cry, but fights God, well sort of, and he stole his father’s blessing by taking advantage of his poor nice brother Esau who was so hungry that he would take anything he could to get and Jacob thus cheated his “ogre” brother Esau, kicking aside all the cars in Esau’s backyard and throwing some red-red at him. Overall, I’ll say it again, and this time I’ll scream it, just to make sure you’re listening, Jacob, like Agamoran is a bad dude because he cheats, fights, and overall messes up things like his peeps, history, his friends’ hair, their noses, and a whole bunch of stuff. They are both somewhat crazy and radical and kill a bunch of dudes a lot of the time when they’re not off acting silly and drunk. Or were they drunk? I can’t remember. The impact of Agamoran on Greece is about as much in the same way to the present as Jacob’s being a bad dude has messed up the Middle East.

Agamoran may seem quite enlightened and modern, as evidenced by a glance at his many beer drink inventions and art forms including the invention of ice-road trucking and heavy death metalhead music that have been continuously studied and appreciated to the present. He is particularly smart with his philosophy as John Malinoski recounts in his book The Perfection of Philosophy in Comparison with the Pastry, “Six is the perfect number. This is because the human mind can instantly recognize increments of up to 5. Once you get above that, the bakery bites lose their individual identity, and you can eat as many as you want.” (Malinoski, 432) But even though he’s remembered, he’s a bad dude like Jacob. Agamoran is a bit like Joe Nemec except that Joe is so much better dude because while both took power over something, Joe took over humanities class and Agamoran over the Greeks, Agamoran abused his power and Joe didn’t. Joe was respectful, when at the end of his class that he took over from Professor Washut he said, “I want to thank my star student Kyle.” It would have been cool if Agamoran had done the same thing and said “I want to thank my star warrior Akilyus”, from the beginning.” But since they had to fight, it makes us think of Jacob again, and I mean Jacob from the Bible in case anyone was confused not (Dr.) Zepp or Iacobus or anybody but Jacob the brother of the ogre Esau. Dr. Michael (AJ) Zagorski has invented recently a medical and psychological treatment that both Jacob and Agamoran should have gone through, which likely could have prevented the Trojan War had they been able to take it back then. I guess Paris would have to take the treatment too, but it would have helped a lot if at least the two of them had taken it. Overall what happened for Jacob equals what would happen to Israel and the same for Agamoran and Greece, which is why Greece is so messed up right and now and it all obviously has to do with the way each character, and the countries which subsequently descended in a philosophical way from them, would decide to treat Cyril Patton.

Like Greece, Israel was by no means perfect in regards to it’s treatment of Cyril Patton, but there is a strong contrast in direction, Greece was made worse by Agamoran and Israel was hurt by Jacob. Because each was hurt by different people they hurt Cyril in different ways, but overall each was “oooouuuuge” and their treatment just got ten feet taller. They both were bad, Jacob, and Agamoran, and should learn by the message, “Have a process here. Limit your jerkiness to your wife” (Lasnoski, 352). They both also forgot the quite universal truth that the Greek gods are really space monkeys and failed to be converted fully to what they should have believed as they went round, and caused a lot of ruckus, banging peoples’ heads with a bunch of metal sticks and weapons and stuff. It would have been hunky-dory for everyone if they had listened to the advice from Dr. Zagorski and Professor Patton which is now available, that is, it would be better for everyone except the horse-abusing Trojans, and while they obviously couldn’t listen to his advice, because the Trojans lived millions of years ago and Jacob was from the year 1776 (living at the same time Anselm Terreri crossed the drainage), they really should have listened and it’s the fault of Jacob and Agamoran because neither of them invented a time machine like they should have.

References:

Homer, The Iliad of Homer. Trans. Richard Lattimore. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, 2011 

Lasnoski, Dr. Kent, Jerkiness in Marriage through History. Lander: Wyoming Catholic Press, 2014

Malinoski, John, The Perfection of Philosophy in Comparison with the Pastry. Lander: NOLSey Books, 2018